How Jesus Delivered Me from Depression & Anxiety

From Depressed, Anxious, Living in Fear to Completely Free in Jesus!

Before you read this, just know that the Evelyn at the beginning of this year would have thought this blog was crazy. How Jesus delivered me from depression and anxiety? She wouldn’t have believed it- fundamentally, based on her understanding of the Bible (which I now know was severely lacking in the area of deliverance, one of the key parts of Jesus’s ministry).

She wouldn't have believed what you're about to read, I promise you.

Warning: This blog discusses topics including suicidal thoughts and attempts. If you’re experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help. Jesus can heal and deliver, and He also works through doctors, therapists, and trusted people who care about you. You’re not alone.

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Where I Was — Depression, Anxiety, and Suicidal Thoughts

Throughout my life, I lived with a constant fear of “what ifs.” In my teenage years, this turned into deep anxiety, and eventually panic attacks, bouts of depression, suicidal thoughts, and even suicide attempts in my early twenties and on.

The only way I can describe it is this: in my mind, it felt like a blaring TV, a white noise machine, and music were all turned up to full volume 24/: all saying anxious, fearful, angry, and hopeless thoughts. Fear was in the driver's seat, making the majority of my decisions for me. I attended church pretty regularly and read my Bible almost daily, yet I was constantly tormented. I was always listening for the quiet whisper of God’s voice through the noise. Looking for Peace I spent so much money trying to find peace: exercise, self-help books, personality tests (hello, Enneagram obsession), supplements, devotionals, $1,500 naturopathic doctors, therapy, yoga, CBD, and eventually, an on again off again relationship with alcohol to try to “turn down the noise.” You name it, I tried it.

I regularly listened to podcasts, sermons, and attended church to build my faith and relationship with God, while simultaneously consuming music, TV, and books that promoted depression, anxiety, and sin. I didn’t even feel conviction toward those things, because somehow, I found comfort in them. I was unknowingly feeding fear, depression, and anxiety while trying to grow in my relationship with God at the same time. How Jesus Delivered Me While scrolling Instagram, I saw an ad for an Inner Healing Conference hosted by some old friends of mine who ran a ministry. I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to go, so I signed up. The week leading up to the conference, I experienced intense nausea, painful bloating, and food aversions. The nausea began the day I signed up, and the bloating was at an all-time high the morning I walked into the conference. When I arrived, I knew I needed healing from the abuse and trauma I’d endured as a child and young adult. But as they spoke about demonic oppression, unforgiveness, hidden sin, and ungodly mindsets, I didn’t believe any of that could apply to me. That was for other people, not for me. I thought any thought I had was mine. And if it didn’t line up with what God said was good, it was simply a part of me that still needed to be sanctified. I believed this because I was filled with the Holy Spirit, saved, and heard from God regularly (even if just in a whisper). I thought there was no possible way I could be tormented by anything other than my own thoughts because I was spiritually “covered,” right? When the inner healing ministry time began, I felt the Lord ask me to walk to the back of the church to pray. The A/C wasn’t working, so it was warm, but as I walked, I suddenly felt the bracelet I was wearing (a gift from my great-grandmother) turn ice cold. I asked Holy Spirit what it meant, and He led me to forgive matriarchs in my family line (women who had passed away) for generational sins and patterns that had begun or continued with them. I released forgiveness over each one, closing doors that had allowed generational bondage and sin to take root in my bloodline. Then the Lord reminded me of a dream I had written down in my phone’s Notes app — one that mentioned my maternal grandfather several times. When I read it again, Holy Spirit revealed its symbolism, showing me generational trauma, curses, and unforgiveness in my family — and in myself — that I needed to release. As I read the dream, I suddenly became nauseous — so much so that I was afraid I’d throw up when prayer time started. I went to the bathroom looking for a bag, just in case! There, I ran into my friend Angie. When I asked her for help, she said, “You need to go next — you’re about to be delivered.” She found two women to pray with me, and as they began listening to my story - abuse and trauma and generations of women trapped in the same pattern - they discerned a spirit of abuse and a perverse spirit that I needed deliverance from. They prayed. My nausea increased, I began coughing heavily — and then I felt spiritually lighter! Then they prayed over me again, for deliverance from a spirit of anxiety. I coughed intensely, and the anxious “buzzing” feeling I’d lived with my entire life lifted from my body! But then, I started to feel very sick again. I told them about the suicidal thoughts I’d battled since young adulthood, the suicide in my family line, and family members who had struggled the same way. The Holy Spirit revealed that this was a spirit of death. Jesus showed me exactly when it entered: a specific moment from my past. The women laid hands on my stomach and called it out by name. The pain increased and they prayed harder. Finally, I felt it let go and completely leave my body!! Instantly, my stomach shrank back to normal, and the painful bloating was completely gone!! I wept with relief, peace, and joy. I finally felt free!! I was exhausted and starving, so I left to eat and rest. On the drive home, I heard a fearful thought: “What if they all come back?” I immediately recognized it as the spirit of fear, cast it out, coughed, and it left!! For the first time in my life, I could hear my own thoughts and the voice of the Holy Spirit so clearly. Then I remembered something from the conference about the “spirit of forgetfulness” masking as ADHD. I had been diagnosed with ADHD five years earlier and had struggled with symptoms my whole life. I cast that spirit out, coughed, and told it to never return. My focus and memory have dramatically improved ever since. When I got home, my husband Ben said I looked completely different — my face, eyes, and even my complexion. He said being around me felt different, too. I told him everything, and his jaw hit the floor. He hugged me and cried with gratitude. Where I Am Now The rest of that weekend, I began to notice something incredible: I could hear my thoughts and God’s voice clearly throughout each day. The peace I now have is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s not momentary; it’s continuous. Before, I might have had a few minutes of peace before another wave of anxiety came. Now, peace is my baseline. I wake up peaceful. I go to work peaceful. I don’t fear the future! Anytime I sense fear or anxiety trying to creep back in (see Matthew 12:43–45), I speak Scripture aloud: “For the Lord has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” John 8:36 I also ask Jesus to show me if I’ve knowingly or unknowingly opened a door to sin. If I have, I repent and ask Him to help me close it.

Unafraid to pray publicly for healing, something I was terrified of doing before deliverance.

I told a friend recently, “I feel like all I watch now are cartoons and sermons.” My appetite for anything unholy has changed. I'm no longer taking part in reinforcing a home for fear, anxiety, anger, and death. “I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it. The perverse of heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with what is evil.” — Psalm 101:3–4 How You Can Get Free If any part of my story resonates with you, you may be wondering how you can experience the same freedom and peace for yourself. The enemy’s greatest weapon is convincing us that we deserve to hold unforgiveness toward others. But unforgiveness is the easiest way we, as Christians, can lose our spiritual covering. “And when you pray, make sure you forgive the faults of others so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you withhold forgiveness from others, your Father withholds forgiveness from you.” Matthew 6:14-15 Unforgiveness can open the doors for demonic oppression to take root in your life. This can look like habitual sin you can't shake, fear of what others think, addiction you can't break on your own, depression that never truly goes away (even with therapy and medicine), and physical sickness, among other things.

These aren’t always caused by oppression, but sometimes they are — and they need to be cast out if that's the case. Deliverance was a central part of Jesus’s ministry. (see Matthew 8:16, Matthew 12:22-24, Luke 4:40-41, & Mark 16:9) In fact, He teaches us to pray for deliverance from evil in Matthew 6 when He teaches us how to pray. “Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.” — Matthew 6:9–13 I recommend praying and asking the Lord to reveal any areas of unforgiveness in your heart. Some of the people I forgave during my deliverance weren’t even on my radar beforehand, yet I had been subconsciously holding onto offense toward them. I was holding onto unforgiveness subconsciously towards them, putting most of my extended family's and my own troubles on them by thinking, "I guess it runs in the family." And also feeling a desire not to think about that family member when they'd pop up in my mind, because I'd start feeling bad. I never dug into that feeling, but it was a sign that I was holding onto offense. Also, ask the Lord how He wants to bring your deliverance. Sometimes it happens in a group setting like a church service; other times, it’s between you and Him in prayer. Sometimes it can be by yourself in asking the Lord what you need deliverance from and then telling it to go, in the name of Jesus. I’m now part of a deliverance ministry (the same one that hosted the Inner Healing Conference), and we see miracles, healings, and deliverances all the time. I want everyone, my family, friends, and strangers, to experience the same freedom and peace Jesus gave me. If you have questions about my story, feel free to reach out. I’d love to help or pray with you. 📩 Email: evelyn@evelynmccarter.com 📸 Instagram: @evelynmccarter_

The freedom I felt to get rebaptized, also something I never thought I would do since I was baptized as a small child.